


Turning Point

by hungrybookworm



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: I hope the summary is vague enough for people following the anime, M/M, Spoilers for Chapter 338, Unrequited Love, dark and angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 12:58:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1305682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hungrybookworm/pseuds/hungrybookworm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Gon didn’t really need him though, did he? Not in the way Killua wanted him to.</i>
</p><p>Under the shade of the World Tree, they turn around and walk away. And with each step, Killua tries to make sense of his feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turning Point

Killua wasn’t going to lie; his insides were a complete wreck as he turned around, took Alluka’s hand and began walking back down the street. His knees had been shaking since earlier, and his hand felt clammy against his sister’s. He strained his ears, trying to listen to Gon’s footsteps for as long as he could, wondering what kind of expression his friend had.

He thought he’d prepared himself for this.

The World Tree blocked a slice of sunlight, and the air felt cold as they passed through its shadow. Alluka wasn’t saying anything, and Killua was trying to make his mouth move, to say something optimistic, to ask Alluka where she wanted to go.

They could go anywhere in the world now.

*****  
 _“You know what, Alluka? You’re right. You’re not like a guy at all.”_

_“Onii-chan?”_

_“Okay! From now on, you’ll be my little sister instead!”_

*****  
Alluka had always been there, far in the back of his mind, but it wasn’t until the Chimera Ant incident that he’d completely forgotten about her. Gon had swallowed him up completely, and his every waking thought had revolved around the worst-case scenario. When it happened, Killua had cried his eyes out as he carried Gon’s broken body, desperately trying to think of a way to fix him without going back to Kukuroo Mountain, desperately trying to find a way to keep things as they were.

Gon didn’t really need him though, did he? Not in the way Killua wanted him to.

He’d sat there in the hospital, gazing at his own watery reflection in the window to Gon’s room, shaking. He’d half wanted to rush around the hospital, asking everyone he could lay his eyes on if they had an answer. But he knew even the best Nen Exorcist would die trying. Just looking at Gon was all it took to know that. He had two choices really: Watch Gon die, or…

Or Alluka could fix him.

He knew what it meant, of course. Going back to a place he never wanted to see again. Facing Alluka, who he hadn’t even said goodbye to back when he left. Admitting that he was a terrible older brother… Illumi would probably try something. His mother would probably try something. And there was a chance Gon would die before he got back.

But he knew he had to do it. A world without Gon wasn’t a world worth living in, and finally, finally he would be useful. Finally, Gon truly needed him. Killua nearly laughed when the realisation came to him. Yes, Gon was completely, one-hundred-percent relying on him, and Killua was going to save him. Then maybe the two of them would laugh about this in the future, and Gon would apologise for all the trouble he’d caused, and they’d continue looking for Ging just like always, maybe even hand-in-hand, with the whole world ahead of them and nothing in their way.

As Killua ran out of the hospital, his hand sweaty as he gripped his mobile phone, he quietly admitted to himself that he loved him.

*****  
 _“Onii-chan, did I do it? …Did I kill him?”_

_“That wasn’t you, Alluka. That was something else.”_

_“Something else…?”_

_“Yes, something else. Now don’t worry about it, okay?”_

_“...Okay!”_

*****  
Killua loved Gon. He loved him so much it hurt. He wasn’t sure if it was romantic, or deeply platonic, but as his journey back to the hospital with Alluka came to a close, he was convinced Gon didn’t return it. And Alluka… his memories with Alluka were all back now, in the forefront of his mind, and he knew there was a place in the world for him still. That there was someone he could protect, who needed him more than anyone else, that even if he never saw Gon again, he’d be alright.

He’d told Illumi too, that he’d always protect Alluka. He’d half said that out of defiance, and half out of sincerity. He started dreaming about the three of them then: himself, Gon and Alluka, all spending time together and having adventures. Surely Alluka would be safer with both of them around, right? But a dream was just that, a dream. He’d made his mind up not to tell Gon about healing him right away, and he’d already started mentally preparing himself to leave. He didn’t want Gon to need him anymore; it’d just make everything much harder. If Alluka was with Gon, then there was always a chance his family would come after him too, and now that Gon had met Ging, what right did Killua have to stay with him? Hadn’t Killua said himself that he’d stay with Gon until they found his father? Hadn’t Killua found something to do with his life now?

So why, even now, was he biting back the tears as he gripped Alluka’s hand? Gon’s footsteps were long gone and his friend’s voice still echoed in his head. Was he climbing up the tree yet? Was he talking to Ging right now?

“Onii-chan,” said Alluka suddenly, pointing to a nearby market stall. “I want something from there.”

It was a photo frame. The one Alluka wanted was made of cheap wood, and wasn't very expensive. Killua bought it, grateful for the distraction, and handed it to her.

“No, Onii-chan. It’s for you.” Alluka pushed it away. “To put that photo in, remember?”

The photo? Of course, the three of them had a photograph taken together. Didn’t he still have it in his pocket?

Alluka pouted. “Come on, do it now!”

He did, and that photograph stayed with them for decades. Killua carried it with him everywhere, from peaceful seashores to wild jungles to desolate mountains. And whenever Alluka slept, Killua would get it out and stare at it, and fight off the overwhelming sense of longing it gave him.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 2012, not long after HxH went back on hiatus. Like most Gon/Killua fans, I was... pretty bewildered by the events of Chapter 338. I thought about it almost non-stop, and eventually I had a dream about Killua and Alluka travelling. After that I wrote this fic, re-read the whole Alluka arc, and everything made sense. 
> 
> I rediscovered this fic a few days ago when replacing my computer. I'm sure loads of people have written stories about this by now, so it's probably nothing special, but I feel like it's a good companion piece to my other Gon/Killua story, _Existence_. While cleaning it up, I felt the urge to explore this topic more, so there'll probably be more Post-Alluka stuff from me in the future.
> 
> (Incidently my theory is that the next arc will be a time skip. Also I'll still love this series no matter who's in it. Heck, Togashi can replace the whole cast and I'll still love it. Nothing can tear me away from HxH!)


End file.
